There were almost too many examples to choose from, but I finally winnowed it down to ten finalists. Before we get to them, let's all give a Brubaker-style slow clap to these performers in the "honorable mention" category, whose facial hair was deemed good, but not porno-great:
- Mountain's Felix Pappalardi
- Motorhead's Lemmy
- Jerry Cantrell
- Weezer's Rivers Cuomo (the Red Album period)
- Thin Lizzy's Phil Lynott
- Led Zeppelin's John Bonham
- Weird Al Yankovich
- Foghat (the entire band), and
- The Village People (too obvious))
Please make your choices over to the right - you can only choose one of these ten, so choose wisely! This competition ends in mid-March, so get your votes in when you can! I look forward to publishing the results in a few weeks.
Jim Croce: Another '70s music icon who needs to be considered for this honor. Croce's face and hard life were a perfect fit for the music he played at the time, chronicling tales of con men, down-and-outers and others beaten down by life. His mustache veers a little too close to Gene Shalit territory for my taste . . . but it's still got enough "whacka-chicka whacka-chicka" in it for him to make the final cut.
Hall & Oates was ostensibly a duo, for years Oates labored beneath the broad shadow of his arguably more talented partner Daryl Hall. But there was one area in which he completely outdid his compadre - just as Freddie Mercury owned the '70s, John Oates' mustache was the one by which all other '80s rock porn mustaches were measured. His look was straight off a Vivid Video set!
All the best to you from Pee-Pee Soaked Heckhole